Understanding the Wisdom of Lao Tzu

I think get what Lao Tzu truly meant when he said, “being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, loving someone deeply gives you courage.” It’s not just some little homily plugging love as the source of all strength and courage in the universe. I figured this out when I came across a definition that resonated with me.

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valor - n. the ability to willfully direct attention and effort toward worthy ends that are not certain of attainment.
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It’s often been said that courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s slugging on even when you’re scared shitless, but that doesn’t really capture the truth of it. It’s not just slugging on in the presence of fear, it’s slugging on in the presence of uncertainty, which is a lot worse than fear. We are afraid when we have even an inkling that something wicked this way comes. We are uncertain when we have absolutely no idea what’s around the bend.

Despite my ability to sound convinced when I say, “oh yeah, I’m living with Andy on the Upper West Side next year, in a brownstone on the corner of West 83rd and Amsterdam. I’m going to work in advertising,” I really have no idea what the next year will bring. I may get a job back in Seattle, I may wind up travelling for a year. I might be rich, I might be poor. A lot is in the air.

Staying in a relationship in the midst of all that uncertainty might seem like a foolhardy course of action to some. Some people might say that you need all your options open, but I think that Lao Tzu would disagree. He knew that loving someone deeply only gives you courage because it requires valor. It requires the ability to direct your attention and effort toward something that has no guarantees of succeeding, simply because the ends are worthy. And I can think of nothing more worthy than the love I share with Andy.