Fuck Vanity, Make Monsters

Yes, I am a vain person. I’m not shy or secretive about the fact that my face and body turned out to mesh with our society’s standards of beauty. It is fun, however, to play with that standard - I learned to make monsters from ZeFrank’s Amazing Monster Site. What you do is take a photograph, split it at the half, invert one of the sides, and then stick it together to form a symmetrical but eerie creation.

I used digital photos taken by Michael Rosenberg who I intend to use as my wedding photographer.

Here, in no particular order, are the results of my computerized graphics experimentations.

I call this one “Dog Monster” because it looks like my grandmother’s Yorkshire Terrier.

If you can’t figure out why this one is called “Elf Monster,” there’s something wrong with you.

“Fish Monster” is also pretty self explanitory.

“Glow Worm Monster” reminds me of the glow worm I had as a kid. My mother used to sing me that song about glow worms…Shammer Shammer…

It’s interesting to look at my body like this. I think it looks a little like a pretty white tube grub, hence “Grub Monster.”

“Perfect Monster” has a fucked up body, but the face is what I would look like if I were perfectly symmetrical. Creepy.

I think this woman looks like a Romany witch or some other very powerful, sinister woman from the old country. Hence “Strega Baba Monster.”

The mane and the broadness of the face earned this one the moniker “Wild Cat Monster.”

She looks like a Latina witch, maybe even that mujer, La Llorona that my mother used to scare the shit out of me with. She is my “Witch Monster.”