On Polygamy

It’s official. I’m addicted to HBO’s new show Big Love. It’s the story of a man named Bill and his wife Barbara, and his wife Nikki, and his wife Margene. Bill is somewhat estranged from the fictional polygamist compound where he grew up, and eschews its practice of marrying young girls. All of his wives are adults who chose their life with him freely.

I find the show incredibly compelling because - unlike many feminists - I support polygamy. Of course, I don’t approve of the form in which it’s currently practiced both in the US and abroad. Marriages between men and girls of thirteen and fourteen are disgusting abuses of patriarchy. And the perpetuation of the idea that submission to her husband is the only way a woman can find happiness is deeply harmful. But while their marriage is far from perfect, the four partners that make up the core of Big Love support and care for one another. In a marriage of equals where all members are consenting adults, I see nothing wrong with polygamous marriages and I believe that they should be afforded some measure of recognition and respect.

That said, there are a lot of legal permutations that need to be taken into account. The gender of the partners should obviously not play any role. So were polygamy made legal, a woman should be free to take several husbands, and mixed groups of men and women should also be free to marry. This raises a number of questions. Should there be a limit on the number of partners? What guidelines should be in place in the event of child custody disputes? How would the tax situation work? The permutations are mind-boggling.

But I have to say that despite these very real questions, the only way to stop the abuses of polygamy as it is traditionally practiced by such groups as the FLDS [NPR Stories: 1, 2, 3] is to stop marginalizing the people who practice it as a relationship between free and equal adults.

I obviously haven’t thought all of this through, but I’m curious to hear what others think about how this would work, if it were given legal recognition. Ideas?