On Relationships With Big Age Differences
December 28, 2006
Commenter Hannah, who is 19 and contemplating marriage to her 30 year-old boyfriend got me thinking a lot about age differences in relationships. It’s something I hadn’t really considered in a while, since Andy is almost precisely six months my senior.
Now, Andy and I are admittedly a little young to be in a committed relationship, but at least we’re going through the same life experiences at the same time. I can’t imagine being involved with someone so much older than me. That isn’t to say that I frown upon all relationships that have a substantial age difference. It’s just that I recognize their inherent challenges.
I guess the bottom line is that marriages succeed when both partners know exactly what they’re getting and exactly what the other person expects from the marriage. That’s doubly true in relationships with any additional obstacles: extreme youth at marriage, age differences, interracial marriages, military deployments, etc.
having been in hannah’s situation i would have to add that it is even more important for the junior person to have a secure sense of self and not allow their identity be lost in the identity of the relationship. if i stayed with jeremy (me 20, he 30 at the time), aside from our other relationship issues, i know i would have had to give up a lot of opportunities for personal exploration and development if i wanted to stay with him because he had already had that experience and was ready to settle. despite the fact that i’ve been privileged enough to have more life experiences than the average 20 year old, i wasn’t ready to go with whatever he wanted (which despite whatever the senior partner says to the contrary, I believe is what in reality actually happens), and though in ways one can always try to constantly explore, in a relationship like hannah’s, I believe there is still a disproportionate amount the junior partner will ultimately compromise. if you are truly prepared for that, then i wish you the best. but sometimes some people make better friends than compatible lovers.
What do you think about a 64 year old woman dating and having sexual relations with a 21 year old girl
Tina: Females over the age of 18 are traditionally referred to as women. I see no problem with two women dating.
I’m engaged to my boyfriend & we’re very deeply in love with each other & have been since we met seven months ago. I’m 45 & he’s 21 & we knew straight away we we’re meant to be together. He’s mature for his age & I’m young for my age which helps I guess. If youre both adults & you love each other age really shouldn’t matter.