I’d Rather be Single for Life than “Date Down”
September 30, 2007
I’m fortunate to have a man in my life that’s not threatened by the fact that I make good money. But if I were playing the *shudder* dating game, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than downplay my professional success in order to catch some insecure idiot.
But I don’t believe for an instant that the bullshit in the aforelinked-to Times Online article is true. I’ve never met a single man that would complain if his partner made more money than he did. I think this latest spate of fearmongering over high wage-earning women is little more than a reiteration of the “a woman over 40 has more chance of being attached by a terrorist than she does of getting married” scare.
We women need to stop paying attention to this stuff. The goal of articles like this is to make us think that we need to apologize for our success in order to find a good man when the reverse is true. The truly good men flock to smart, successful, intelligent, hardworking women.
To top it off, the Times Online misquotes and distorts the writings of one of my favorite feminist bloggers. Jessica Valenti of Feministing writes:
If I ever refer to men’s “hunter instincts” in a non-sarcastic way, you have my full permission to take away my feminist card.
She then goes on to correct the de-contextualization of her arguments.
Oh let’s see. My last girlfriend came from a family that had more money than they knew what to do with. She didn’t work, but she had her own credit card with a $100k spending limit that her parents paid off every month.
I worked for $10 an hour at the local Bank of America and struggled to make ends meet. I’m still working off the debt I incurred as a result of that struggle (albeit, I earn much better money now).
My current girlfriend earns far, far less than I do; we have an apartment together. We each pay what we can.
Thing is, in neither case did gender enter into who paid for what. It was just who could afford what, and thanks for your generosity.
I think this is becoming less of an issue for the younger generations; it remains in our parents generation but mostly ended with us, I think. Granted there will be sections of the country for whom it will remain, for a long time; but I agree with you - the goal of articles like this is to scare women into feigning subservience.
Incidentally, the concept of being ’subservient’ to men is enshrined in the Bible. A great many Christian women actually consider it an ideal, if that gives you any insight into Christianity (or at least, why feminists face so many obstacles from their own gender).
I’m a male in my early 40’s making do financially but striving for better.
I have huge respect for women who do things for themselves, and would never stand in the way of her desired goals. If anything, I’d encourage her to be the best she can, and would help out when/if I can, and if asked.
Give me a smart, successful, intelligent, and hardworking woman any day. Take the money away, and I feel that mutual respect and affection with one another will help overcome each other’s obstacles by supporting each other.
We men are out there; fearmongers just need to stop writing trash.