Last Day Of School!!!

For most people, this is rather meaningless. If however, you’ve been a teacher for the past three years (and never had another full-time job), then it’s kind of a big deal!

Don’t worry though, there will still be Sparrow’s in the teaching world, as my little sister Snoozy will begin teaching in the state of Washington this coming fall. Congrats Snoozy!

Sloth

I’m at home in Utah right now. I’ve noticed that whenever I go home for a few days, I become extremely lazy, spending the vast majority of my time on the couch watching TV, sleep a whole lot, and lack the basic energy needed to feed myself. It took me ten minutes to get up the energy to order Domino’s. Does anyone else experience a complete and total wave of lethargy when they go back home?

In Loving Memory of the Cosmic Infedabulum

Just about every Friday night, I go over to my father’s house for Shabbat dinner. Tonight, some really hilarious memories came up.

When I was very little, my parents and I lived in a rickety old mustard-colored house in the University District. In the hallway between my bedroom and my parents’ bedroom, there was a little bump in the floor where the hardwood had warped and peeled away. Beneath it, there was a ventilation duct.

If you stepped on the bubble just the right way, the ventilation duct would bend and the sound of metal flexing would echo throughout the house. It was incredibly loud. To a four year-old, it seemed like the house was angry.

My eternally creative father referred to this amusing and occasionally terrifying feature of our house as “the Insyc Roder.” He explained to me that this mysterious machine opened the gateway to an a pocket of space-time called “the Cosmic Infedabulum.” Whenever things got lost in our house, they got stuck in the Cosmic Infedabulum and eventually drifted to “Mezzapoopa Time,” where all lost things go.

I hadn’t thought about any of this stuff in years, but it all came up over dinner tonight. It’s probably one of my happiest memories from childhood. I just felt like sharing.

Happy Birthday to Anna Banana

My little sister, the adorable, amusing, athletic and acrobatic Ms. Anna is ten years old today! She recently discovered e-mail and signs all her messages to me with “Lots ‘O Smiles.”

To commemorate the occasion, I offer you this photo of Anna laughing with chocolate cake smeared all over her chin.

Happy birthday, sis! I’m proud of you.

Happy Birthday to Andy and Susanne!

What is it about people born in mid-November that I love so much? Two of my favorite human beings in the world have birthdays in the next couple of days.

Andy turns 25 on this very day, and everybody knows just how much I think of him. He’s kind, funny and incredibly bright. In the last few months, he’s attained entirely new levels of awesomeness. I’m really proud and lucky to have him in my life.

On Monday, Susanne (a.k.a. “Roo”) turns 24. Susanne is awesome because she asks great questions, loves to explore and never jumps to conclusions about anything. It’s been such a joy to have my thoughtful, kind, considerate friend now living near me in Seattle.

Happy birthday to you both!

Five Whole Years!

Today is the five-year anniversary of the night that Andy and I first kissed. We were walking back to our dorm together from a beginning of year party on North Campus at Pomona when he stopped me on the baseball diamond and asked — suave but a little nervous — if he could get to first base by first base. Way too cute to say “no.”

I had no idea at that point that I was about to embark on a challenging and satisfying journey that has taken us through three states, a year of commuter love and countless challenges. We’ve grown up together and stood by one another through huge obstacles — ill-fitting jobs, unemployment, injuries and illnesses. And we’re sure that there are more difficulties to come, but also many joys.

My mother always told me that, if you must get married, at least marry someone you’d want by your side if you were fighting your way through hell. I can’t think of anyone who fits that description better than Andy.

Happy Anniversary, baby.

Happy Birthday, Dear Devon!

My little brother Devon turns 19 today. He’s an all-around good kid — smart, wicked sense of humor and really sweet — who will be starting as a freshman at the University of Washington this fall.

Happy birthday, Dev! I’m so proud of you. I can’t wait for your college adventure to start.

Happy Birthday, Dear Mommy!

Today is my dear mother’s birthday. While I was in New York last week, I showed this photo of my mom to Andy’s grandmother:

“Oh my!” she said. “Your mother is such a beautiful lady. Now I see where you get it from.”

It’s true. My mom is a beautiful lady. She’s also funny, smart, and unbelievably hardworking. I owe her a great deal and I’m proud she’s my mom.

Happy birthday

Happy Birthday Mom!

Thank you for always being there for me. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to beat you at scrabble on your birthday. I will defeat you promptly upon your return from Idaho. 07-07-07. What a lucky birthday date. Happy Birthday also to Esther and David.

P.S. I know some of you might claim that today is Sunday, the eighth, not Saturday, the seventh, and that I’m writing this post one day too late. You’re wrong.

Kids Complaining of Summer Boredom? Get them Rube Goldberging.

My little brother — who turns 12 tomorrow — was complaining tonight that summer is massively boring. We suggested all the usual remedies: ride your bike, read a book, clean your room, but he wasn’t having any of it.

That’s when I suggested that he get out his K’Nex, his legos, and all the other stuff in his room and turn it into a massive Rube Goldberg device. That got him going. We spent the rest of the evening working on it, but we’re still not finished. The goal, to start out with a weight pulling downward and finishing by knocking a pickle into a jar.

We’ll see how this goes, but one thing’s for certain: Rube Goldberg devices are excellent remedies for summer boredom.

“If Your Power Lines Keep Sizzling In A Few Days, Give Us Another Call.”

This is what the power company told my parents after they called to complain that they heard the power lines outside our house sizzling. A few days later, they were still sizzling, so they called again, and were met with the same response.

Last night, around 3AM, my mother awoke to a lovely green glow outside her window. It seems that sizzling noise was a prelude to the power lines catching on FIRE. They burned up pretty brightly for a while, so my parents called the power company. They were told that they were fixing other problems, but would get over there as soon as they could.

Now bear in mind that my parents live in Utah. In the mountains. And its June. Which means that its hot, dry, and pretty much everything catches on fire really easily. So you can see how power lines shooting off sparks and occasionally bursting into flames might be a cause for some concern.

The power company finally came by around 6:30AM, after the second time my parents called to say, “By the way, our power lines are STILL bursting into flames every so often.” They replaced the lines, and fortunately, nothing too horrible happened.

Still, it seems to me that when someone’s power lines are sizzling, that would be the time to fix them, rather than two weeks later when they catch on fire. It’s just common sense. But it would appear that after seven years, the Bush Doctrine is growing rather popular in our society, “If it’s aint broke (to the point where its on fire or completely flooded), don’t fix it.” Worked for the levees, works for power lines. Hey, I bet it will work for Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Immigration, Iraq, Public Education, and the National Debt.

I’m So Proud of My Little Brother!

He used to be a little curly-headed boy that tagged along behind me and my friends and occasionally did stuff for the sheer pleasure of annoying me. Now, he’s a grown man with a high school diploma on his way to college in the fall.

So here’s a shout-out to my little brother, Devon. He graduated from Nathan Hale High School today along with some of his good buddies. Here are the photos from graduation, check out the great photo I got of the streaker!!!

Happy Father’s Day

Thanks for always being there and always being supportive. Especially last year; I would not have lasted, let alone succeeded without all your almost nightly advice in the first months. Sorry you couldn’t play ball this time out. I’ll try not to beat you too badly in pool again.

P.S. Also Happy Father’s Day to Teresa’s Dad Bob Klein. He’s been really great and I hope he will take a few at-bats at our next softball game.

P.S.S. Teresa, I love you and I miss you (I’m in Utah right now).

“Mommy” Blogging

Hello and welcome to day three of Andy and Teresa’s de-facto parenting adventure. So far, so good.

This weekend, Andy and I moved. We did the little stuff on Saturday with copious help from my brother and sister, who we are taking care of this week. Watching Andy with children makes me want to marry him immediately. He’s going to be such an amazing father.

On Sunday, some friends from synagogue took the kids to and from Hebrew school so that we could get the rest of our furniture moved to our new place. That went pretty smoothly despite the rain and some minor snafus.

Today, I have to get the kids up and ready for school, then I need to run over to our old place and clean everything. Then I need to run to Ikea and buy a desk, two bedside tables and another bookshelf, all before the kids come home from school.

This afternoon, I need to get some work done while Anna is at Girl Scouts and then get dinner on the table.

This mommy stuff is tough.

Parenting, Moving, Yipe!

The next ten days are going to be just a little intense. A few months ago, Andy and I agreed that we’d be willing to take care of my brother and sister for a week so that my father and stepmother could go to Paris. They leave this afternoon. For the next week, I will be a “parent.”

On top of this, our landlord has decided that he’d really like us to move before the end of the month if we can, because he has a new tenant who wants the apartment yesterday. He’s made a very kind offer to help us move, and he’ll pro-rate our rent. So we’re going to attempt to move all of our earthly goods on Sunday so we can be completely out of this place by Tuesday.

Needless to say, this whole situation has been giving me all kinds of heartburn. I’m a grown-up in the sense that I can take care of myself. I know how to save money, pay taxes, eat healthy food and drive responsibly. But taking care of other (small) people? For a week? While MOVING? And WORKING? Needless to say this is going to be a challenge, least of which is going to be putting my selfishness on a shelf for a week.

I’m not saying I don’t think I’m up for it. I know Andy and I can handle this. But I ask for your patience in the posting/coherent thought department on both our parts for the next week or so.

Also, I love my siblings. Yeah, they’re kids, which means they can be annoying sometimes because, well, kids are. But they’re really great kids. They’re both funny and smart and generally well-behaved. I fully expect that the next ten days will be as rewarding as they are challenging.

But I don’t think it makes me a bad person to say that I can’t wait ’til June.

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day Mom. And Patty and Cheryl. And grandma. We all appreciate the wonderful job you’ve job. Especially the job that’s been done on raising me. Because I’m pretty incredible. And that didn’t happen by accident. Also, nice job on raising Teresa too, because I love her.

Happy Birthday Dad

Today’s my dad’s birthday. If you’re reading this, thanks for being so supportive, and I’ve really appreciated the teaching advice over the past two years. I hope the Jazz win Game 7 on your birthday. If they win tonight, they can easily beat Golden State, and there actually may be a chance they’ll go all the way. I hope you also are able to get on the court yourself today.
Love, Andy

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