I’m ROFLCopter @ “Tyson Homosexual”

A rabidly anti-gay news site — “Your Latest News From a Christian Perspective” — apparently has a filter in place to change the word “gay” to “homosexual.”

And that’s how sprinter Tyson Gay — who would have set a world record in last night’s Olympic qualifier had it not been for a slight tailwind — became “Tyson Homosexual.”

All I can say is:

[Via Slog]

Scientific Research Suggests Mariners Fans More Intelligent Than Yankees Fans

No joke.

Jordan Grafman, a senior investigator at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke:

“The scientific literature suggests that fans of losing teams turn out to be better decision-makers and deal better with divergent thought, as opposed to the unreflective fans of winning teams.”

Take THAT Yankees fans.

Boston Sports

I posted a few weeks ago about the fortunes of Boston sports fans. I thought I’d give a quick update, since it appears as though the city of Boston is going to sweep the three most popular American sports: baseball, football, and basketball.

The Boston Celtics, at 8-1, have the best record in the NBA. This is especially impressive given that very few of the players have ever played with each other; if these superstars mesh this well after two months, imagine what the team will look like in June.

The Patriots, at 10-0, demolished the 4-6 Bills today 56-10. They are on pace to break virtually ever single offensive record there is. Tom Brady is on track to throw over 60 TD’s. Just for reference, Joe Montana, one of the all-time greats had a single-season high 29. The current record, held by Peyton Manning, is 49. Randy Moss, with 14 TD’s, is also on track to break the single-season receiving TD record.

And of course, the Red Sox swept a World Series they completed dominated.

If these trends continue, the average American sports fan may have to stop hating NY and start hating Boston (although I will always hate Eli Manning).

P.S. As I mentioned in my earlier post, Boston’s sports fortunes were caused by me. So Boston readers, you OWE me.

Bonds Indicted For Lying About Steroid Use

In 1998, Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa, jacked up on every illegal substance known to mankind, shattered the single-season home run records and inspired millions of young baseball players to inject themselves with needles. They also inspired an aging baseball player named Barry Bonds. Here’s how he looked in 1997, and in 2000.

Bonds went on to shatter every longball record in the books, including the all-time home run record. He was also investigated for steroid use, since he was OBVIOUSLY on steroids. He lied to Congress about using steroids, which amounts to perjury and obstruction of justice. So, today, after a four year investigation, Bonds was indicted with four counts of perjury and obstruction of justice.

Now this is only an indictment, and Bonds is still innocent until proven guilty. But in the eyes of the public, he had already been found guilty. His 756th home run ball was sent to Cooperstown with an asterisk on it after a public vote. The record book may well be changed to indicate that as well, and Hank Aaron will always be remembered as the Home Run King. Bonds, on the other hand, will stand as a lesson: nobody likes a cheater.

Why Everyone In Boston Should Love Me (And Everyone Else Should Hate Me)

In 2004, I was on vacation with Teresa during the ALCS Championship series. We watched the very end of Game 3, and as a diehard anti-Yankees fan, the crushing 19-8 blowout made her very sad. The next day she said she absolutely did not want to watch Game 4, because she did not want to see the Yankees sweep out the Red Sox and win yet another World Series.

So I PROMISED her that if we watched Game 4, the Red Sox would not only win that game, but come back and win the entire series. And I don’t just go around promising things either; I only promise things I KNOW I can deliver. This was a big promise too; not only would this have been the first time in Major League Baseball that a team came back from being down 3-0, but the Red Sox also were sort of “cursed”, and hadn’t won the World Series in 86 years. But, as fate would have it, the Red Sox came back and won the ALCS Championship in what will most likely be remembered as the greatest comeback in the entire history of sports.

So, now, 3 years later, Boston Fans, you owe me. The “curse of the bambino” has been lifted, and I was probably the only person in the world who truly believed that the Red Sox would win that series (including the players). And for those who aren’t that big sports fans, this is Boston’s YEAR. They just might sweep the three major sports (baseball, football, and basketball). The Red Sox are currently up 3-0 in the World Series, the Patriots are 7-0 and have won every game by at least 14 points, and the Celtics aquired Ray Allen and former MVP Kevin Garnett this off-season, making them a heavy favorite to win the NBA’s Eastern Conference this year. Looks like its a good time to be living in Boston right now.

Will the Mariners Ever Win When it Counts?

Andy and I were at the game with Mark and Megan on Tuesday night. The Mariners scored five runs quickly in the bottom of the first and we thought, “game’s in the bag.” Then Jeff Weaver and the entire bullpen blew the lead and we would up losing 10-6.

About halfway through the game, it was like the air got sucked out of the stadium. Nobody was cheering. Nobody was even invested in the game anymore. Mark turned to me and said, “Mariners fans suck!”

We kind of do. But that’s because we’re so used to being disappointed by our sports teams that we never fully invest our emotions in their seasons anymore. It’s kind of like someone who has been unlucky in love so many times that they just can’t seem to tear down the walls enough to let Mr. or Ms. Right in.

I’m not completely immune to that sentiment, although I’m loud and obnoxious at ballgames right until the last out. It’s not over till it’s over.

But I am beginning to wonder if the Mariners are ever going to deliver us our post-season dreams. Until Tuesday night, I though this might be the year. But if we’re going to let the Angels sweep us on our home turf, I don’t think this is the team.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

Andy and I are going to the Mariners game this evening with some friends. Will you be there? Text me at (206)-229-9335 if you’re at Safeco field.

Why I’m Glad I’m Not Barry Bonds

I’ve never hit a home run. In fact, hitting a baseball isn’t something I’m terribly good at — although I did improve my hitting skills this season by playing on a co-ed softball league. I don’t have a lot of bulk with which to drive the ball, but I do have an imagination. And I can imagine that hitting a home run feels incredible.

When I was growing up, my father and I would play baseball in the back yard. In our game, he was Ken Griffey Sr. and I was Ken Griffey Jr. Without fail, we would hit back to back home runs to win the game. Before I understood the realities of professional athleticism, I was certain that one day my father and I would play major league baseball together.

Hitting a home run — any home run at all — seems like a privilege. If I ever hit a home run, I imagine that I’ll be aware that it may be the only home run I will ever hit in my entire life. I will cherish touching every base. I will step gracefully onto home plate with a smile on my face.

No matter how wonderful the accomplishment, hitting 756 home runs in one’s lifetime seems like it might take some of the thrill away. Obviously it’s never a snooze to send a major league pitch soaring 400 feet, but I can imagine that it might seem almost routine after a certain length of time. And while I’m sure that Barry Bonds was elated when he hit number 756 last night, I can’t help but wonder how he felt after home runs 328, 432 or even 654. Did he get as much joy from those home runs as I would get from my first — and possibly only — towering shot?

I certainly don’t mean to poo-pooh the accomplishments of baseball’s greatest hitters. I’m in awe of their abilities and spend countless hours watching and discussing their exploits. It looks like they’re having a lot of fun out there. But if I had the choice, I’d still rather be myself waiting for that first homer than Barry Bonds with his 756.

A Return to Video Blogging

I ran into a reader at the Tully’s near my house yesterday. He asked me why I had stopped video blogging and he told me that he thought I was a natural and should keep doing it. So here is my return to v-logging. It’s a doozy. Hope you like it!

UPDATE: YouTube is apparently not uploading my videos. I’m trying once more this morning and then I’m moving to some other service.

UPDATE: I’ve now uploaded the video on Revver. It’s working!

As a bonus, here are the still shots we got.

Bonds Four Away From Aaron

Barry Bonds hit his 751st home run today, putting him four behind Hank Aaron. As a watched him him number 751, and they showed pictures of him in 1996, and pictures of him in 1998, I couldn’t help but notice that he is CLEARLY on steroids. It’s so obvious a 3-year-old could diagnosis it. Not just a few steroids either: he is on EVERYTHING. Anabolic steroids, human growth hormones, bull testerone, etc. His cap is several sizes larger, his hair has fallen out, he’s twice as big as he used to be, and he hits the ball 600 feet about 70 or so times a year when he’s healthy.

Now I’m pretty sure that baseball has some sort of rule about substances that turn you into the Incredible Hulk. So why is Bonds being allow to play? There is no way in hell he’s clean. He’s used more drugs than Keith Richards and Ozzy Osborne put together. Hank Aaron was a great ballplayer who broke Ruth’s record honestly. It’s a travesty that his record will be broken by superhuman freak jacked up up steroids. Can’t Bud Selig just throw him out for so OBVIOUSLY being on ‘roids?

Mike Hargrove Says Goodbye

If you have read this blog before, or if you take a look at the right sidebar, you are aware that Teresa is not exactly a fan of the Mariner’s currently manager, Mike Hargrove. This is a stance she has had for years, which I believe dates back to him trading Randy Johnson (apparently he turned out to be an okay pitcher). However, the Seattle bigwigs seemed to like him, and it didn’t appear he was going away soon. Especially with the M’s winning 10 of their last 11 games.

So it came as a bit of a shock today Hargrove announced his resignation in the team’s pregame meeting right before playing Toronto. “It’s a shock, I think everyone’s still in shock here,” Raul Ibanez said. “Nobody was prepared for it, or anything like this.”

Hargrove cited a decreased amount of passion for the game as his reason for leaving. The timing, however, is confusing, as the Mariner’s win today put their steak at 8, and the team is looking better than it has since 2001:

Jeff Weaver, whose first six games earned him a demotion to the minor leagues, has since returned and allowed 1 run in 17 innings in his past two starts. Jose Guillen and Ichiro Suzuki are hitting well enough to make me think they are on steroids. And JJ Putz, with a 0.92 ERA, is the best closer in the league.

The Mariner’s have not announced any replacements candidates, but whoever takes over will inherit a very hot ballclub. They initially offered me the job, but withdrew the offer when they learned that my dad is a Yankee’s fan.

Exit 38 Climbing Kicked Ass Yesterday

Yesterday afternoon, Andy and I went up to Deception Crags with our friends Mark, Megan and Rye. Andy led a 5.5 with only three bolts, which he said was kind of scary. He did really well though. Mark and Megan both top-roped it several times.

Rye led this nasty 5.9 — think 5.10b/c in the gym — and then Andy and I both top-roped it. The crux was this wicked dihedral with microscopic foot smears, only one super-secret toe hold and nothing but slanted, slippery slopers for hands. To top it off, it was very slabby. That makes it nice for taking the occasional rest by leaning against the rock. It also makes it really scary because if your foot slips off the tiny-ass smear, you’re going to do a face-plant into the rock. And in the case of rock v. Teresa’s face, rock will win every time.

Despite the busted-face factor, slab climbing is my favorite kind. Being female, I don’t develop upper body strength as well as my male climbing buddies. I can climb overhangs, to be sure. But it usually involves a lot of foot flagging, jugging and complaining on my part.

My main climbing skills are balance, grace and flexibility. All three come in especially handy on slabs. And every so often, you need to do a one-legged squat on a toe hold the size of Lara Flynn-Boyle’s right breast. Needless to say, climbing gives you awesome gluts and quads.

I got a bunch of photos with Rye’s camera, so as soon as he sends them to me, I’ll post them.

Welcome Back, King Felix!

After 27 days of resting himself, Felix Hernandez will return to Safeco field tonight to take on the division-leading Angels.

Felix has consistently impressed me both on and off the field. When he first signed to the major leagues, he invested the vast majority of his signing bonus, spending just enough money for a great new laptop. That’s pretty responsible for a then-nineteen year-old.

He also acted responsibly 27 days ago, when he pulled himself from a game early after feeling pain and tension in his throwing elbow.

It’s easy to let stardom go to your head, especially in your teens and twenties. That’s why I have a lot of respect for Hernandez as a person, not just as a pitcher. He seems just as level-headed as he was two years ago. Combine that with a killer fastball and some wicked breaking stuff and you have a kid with grade-A potential.

Let’s hope the Mariners management have the good sense to hold onto him.

Forget Mike, When I Grow Up, I Want to Be Like Chris

Chris Sharma, ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks to Mark for the vid.

Racial Lip Service: Jackie Robinson Day and the Firing of the Shock Jock

Recent events involving a certain shock jock whose name rhymes with Jon Mimus, have gotten me thinking about the current issues surrounding race in America. Obviously, these issues are way bigger and more complex than can be addressed in just one blog post. But I’d like to at least get some of my current thoughts out and on the table.

First of all, I understand the anger that bubbles to the surface when racially charged, derogatory statements are made. With so much past injustice, and so much continuing economic inequality. People can’t help but be angry.

But I wonder whether the public crucifixion of people who say stupid, racially charged things is really the most productive course of action. Will firing someone really fix anything? Or is it a disproportionate reaction to a small wrong that pays mere lip service to the very real anger of disenfranchised minorities while ignoring the root causes of that anger?

I think the problem is that we have no idea how to fix the larger racial problems in our society. So when a problem with an easy solution — like a comedian stepping over the line — comes along, we jump all over it to release some pressure.

The same is true of Jackie Robinson Day. Today is the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson’s Major League debut. Every team in the Major Leagues is celebrating today. Black players and managers are wearing the number 42, which is the only number to be retired throughout all of baseball. It’s really a great celebration of a great ballplayer. But it’s all just lip service when it comes to race. It takes some pressure off by reminding us of our past successes. But it does very little to move us forward.

In order to bring America closer to racial equality, we need more than platitudes and lip service. We need to do more than just maintain the status quo by relieving pressure and pretending that it solves the problem. We to be as brave as Branch Rickey was when he brought Robinson up from the minor leagues. Only time, economic opportunity, and intelligent dialogue are going to move America forward.

I have absolutely no idea how to begin that, but I’m open to it. And I know that we need much, much more than lip service. What do you guys think?

What a Great Adventure!

A couple of days ago, Andy told me that I would need to take off work Friday around one o’clock. When I asked why, he just said, “you’ll see.”

Yesterday, he took me on a grand adventure. The first stop was Bellevue Square. We shopped around Nordstrom’s for a little bit. He asked me about some of the clothes that I thought looked good on guys for Spring. I showed him some stuff from Tommy Bahama that I really liked. Then we went over to women’s shoes and I bought a pair of patent leather, leopard print, peep toe platform pumps. They’re smoking hot!

Then he took me to inSpa for an hour long massage. Fully refreshed and relaxed, we left Bellevue Square and drove across the lake to Seattle. We hung out at McCormick’s fish house for a while for appetizers and drinks. Slowly, our friends trickled in. They were all grinning and excited. They knew where we were going, but I didn’t.

After we paid our tab, we wandered over to Safeco Field. Andy had organized tickets to the Mariners vs. Rangers game for the whole group. We sat in the left field bleachers and were very noisy and rowdy. We had a great time, even though the Mariners stranded a number of runners and made some stupid errors to lose the game.

Afterwards, we went up to the U District and had drinks and nachos at the College Inn. It was a perfect day out, and one that will not soon be forgotten.

Thanks for the wonderful surprise, Andy!

My First 5.11

I just got back from rock climbing with some of my friends. I made it up my first 5.11 in a very, very long time. For those of you not familiar with rock climbing, a 5.11 is a pretty difficult route. Most gym climbs start at a difficulty rating of 5.3 or 5.4 and go up from there. By the time you’re getting into 5.10 and up, you’re in the advanced range of climbing.

It’s wonderful to be able to bounce back so much more quickly from illness. I may have a love-hate relationship with albuterol, but there’s no disputing the fact that it helps my asthma.

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